My Journey to Awakening

The Beginning: A Child Who Felt Different

People often ask me how I came to be where I am—how I came to teach the Watch and Flow Method, how I found my path. I always start with my Buddhist practices, but my story goes much further back. It starts with a child who felt trapped inside herself, seeking approval, attention, and love.

My childhood was emotionally rough. I wanted to be myself fully and still be liked and loved. But I didn't fit in—not at home, not with my family, not at school. My thoughts and my heart were different, and I knew it. I was aware of how different I was, but as a child, I thought something was wrong with me. I didn't understand why I couldn't be like everyone else.

Even when I tried to fit in, I couldn't. I laugh at myself now because even when I felt the worst, I knew I couldn't be like everyone else. I just wanted to be okay with being me, and I wanted everyone else to be okay with me being me. I was okay with them, but it felt like no one was okay with me.

What confused me most was that no matter how I was treated—and I was mistreated in more ways than I care to mention—I didn't hate anyone. I couldn't. My concern was always their peace. I didn't want them to feel like I felt. I didn't want to hurt them. So I took on their responsibility. I carried the weight of everyone I met, everyone I loved.

These things I speak of are not regretful, because that's who I am. I'm a heart-led individual. But I was suffering, and I didn't know how to stop.

The Search: Years of Seeking Without Finding

I've been reading spiritual books since I was seven years old. I've been seeking consciously and intentionally since then. Over the years, I accumulated an unknown amount of knowledge—books, teachings, practices, traditions, religions.

But none of that filled the empty space within. None of that helped me fit in. None of that taught me how to truly love myself and truly love others. None of that corrected my habitual tendencies or my harmful behaviors. None of that accumulated knowledge healed me.

It kept me in a continuous loop of suffering. It had me going down all kinds of rabbit holes, never finding the answer. Because I wasn't going within. Even when I thought I was doing the healing—the meditation, the reading, the chanting, following this tradition, following that religion—the hurt, the pain, the suffering was still there. It never went away.

"I was lost. And I had been seeking for decades."

The Turning Point: Finding My Guru

When I came to Buddhism, I was at a very low point in my life. I was lost. Despite all my years of seeking, despite all the knowledge I had accumulated, I still didn't know how to heal myself. I still didn't know how to stop suffering.

That's when I found my guru. He taught me Buddhist Tantric practices—the methods of silent observation and Qi cultivation. These weren't just concepts or philosophies. These were practical, step-by-step instructions for transformation.

I needed the training. I needed someone to take my hand and show me: "Katrina, you go this way. This is what you do. This is what you need to do." And that's what my guru did for me. That's what all my teachers did for me. They gave me the tools and the instructions.

For the first time in my life, I wasn't just reading about healing. I was actually healing. I was going within—truly going within—and seeing myself as I am. I was learning to accept myself, to make the necessary corrections without punishing myself, without fear of being wrong, without needing external validation.

The Awakening: Reaching Meditative Stability

Through consistent practice of the Buddhist Tantric sadhanas my guru taught me, I reached what is called meditative stability. This isn't just being able to sit still for an hour. Meditative stability is a state of being where you remain present, aware, and at peace no matter what's happening around you or within you.

It's not that life stopped being life. It's not that everything became unicorns and rainbows. It's that my relationship with causes and conditions changed. I was at peace no matter what. I had stability that couldn't be taken away.

And then, from that stable ground, I awakened. I reached what Buddhism calls the awakened state—a direct recognition of reality as it is, not as my mind constructs it to be.

In that awakened state, wisdom flowed through me.

The Birth of the Watch and Flow Method

The Watch and Flow Method came through me in the span of five days. I was writing, writing, writing—recording, speaking out loud. The wisdom was flowing through my awakened state, and I was simply the vessel.

This wasn't something I created intellectually. This wasn't something I pieced together from books. This was wisdom emerging naturally from the stable ground of my own awakening, guided by my guru, my teachers, and Guanyin—my protector and guide.

I took everything I learned, everything I was taught in Buddhist practices, and it crystallized into this method. The Watch and Flow Method is the practical path I walked, distilled into a form that others can follow.

This is how I practice. I practice Watch and Flow continuously and daily. This is how I healed myself. And this is how I help others find their way.

Why I Teach: My Calling to Help Others Heal

Healing people is my calling. It's my path. I was doing it unconsciously as a child and intentionally as I got older. But before my Buddhist training, I was doing it wrong. I was taking on others' suffering without knowing how to process it. I was trying to heal others while I was still broken myself. And that was causing me harm—and causing others harm too.

As a spiritual worker, we need to have a stable foundation. We're dealing with the soul, the spirit, the energy of others. That's a heavy responsibility. We need discipline. We need to be the full embodiment of what we're teaching others.

That's why I had to heal myself first. That's why I had to reach my own meditative stability and awakening before I could truly help others. And that's why the Watch and Flow Method is a method of self-healing, not me healing you.

I'm not the one healing you. You are. You're using your own energy to self-heal. This method teaches you how.

"I don't heal you. I teach you how to heal yourself."

What This Method Does: Spiritual Refinement for Awakening

The Watch and Flow Method is spiritual refinement. It's the training we all need to:

• Stop the stress and overthinking
• Stop being controlled by emotional states
• Stop being reactionary
• Stop the mental mind from constantly traveling to past and future
• Stay in the now, present and aware

This method is based on the Buddhist Tantric sadhana practices I learned from my guru—the methods of silent observation and Qi cultivation. These are the two key points of establishing mental stability and spiritual stability so they can merge as one and create meditative stability.

And once meditative stability is established, only in this state can you achieve awakening.

This is not a quick fix. This is not an easy "I'll wake up one day and my life is perfect." This is reality. This is always being in reality, focused, always in the now, always present. This method trains you for that.

I learned this the hard way. I had to go through years of suffering, years of seeking, years of being lost. But you don't have to. I've walked this path. I've made the mistakes. I've found the way. And now I'm here to guide you.

My Commitment to You

I've used these practices on myself. I practice Watch and Flow continuously and daily. I have helped others with these methods, and I will help you find your way.

This is not just theory. This is not just philosophy. This is lived experience. This is a path I've walked, a transformation I've undergone, a freedom I've found.

And I'm here to show you the way.

My journey was rough. It was tough. I had to learn these things the hard way. But that's why I can guide you. That's why I understand your struggles. That's why I know this method works.

Because it worked for me. And it will work for you.